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People died within a few days if they lacked tune-age to shake their booties.

Between the 11th and 17th centuries, countless people took part in manic bouts of dancing and unseemly behavior lasting for weeks on end. Referred to in the world of abnormal psychology as St. Vitus’ dance, it’s defined as group hysteria by those feeling overwhelmed by the many stressors of their times.

(Anybody feels like dancing?)

People would rip off their clothes and run naked through the streets, screaming, wailing, and laughing hysterically. Women would howl like wolves while making obscene gestures, and others would squeal like pigs. Some would roll in the dirt or beg to be hit on various parts of their bodies. …

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Just what in the silly senile fuck is the Brunch Bunch smoking?

To preface my rant(that has been simmering for weeks), let’s begin by reviewing what the word Progressive actually means, shall we? And before the Brunch Bunch goes into pissy-hissy mode, keep in mind this isn't my definition of what Progressive politics should look like; it’s the damn dictionary:

PROGRESSIVE: favoring or advocating progress, change, improvement, or reform, as opposed to wishing to maintain things as they are, especially in political matters: a progressive mayor. (Dictionary.com)

OK.

Got it?

Yes?

Then you understand the non-biased, textbook definition of “progressive” is the complete antithesis of President-elect Biden’s promise to his corporate overlords that “nothing will fundamentally change,” right? No room or need for debate here. …

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Helloooooooo. Avon calling. Photo by the Daily Mail.

Although the English Peasant’s Revolt in 1381 seemingly began without warning the seeds of discontent were sown many years beforehand. The Black Death during the earlier part of the 14th century caused a serious shortage of workers, giving the peasant class the option to choose where they worked — a freedom that was unheard of in feudal society.

Fearful that the serfs would refuse to work their lands, many lords gave the peasants their freedom and paid for their labor. …

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Sadie Hawkins’ Day, which evolved into an American folk-holiday, doesn’t originate from a dance at all, but rather from a fictional race. Much like the Great Pumpkin, Sadie is a pop-culture phenomenon spawned from what we old folks used to call the Funnies.

Sadie was the product of cartoonist Al Capp’s fertile imagination. She was a character in his popular cartoon “Lil’ Abner” set in the hillbilly town of Dogpatch. The strip began its wildly successful 40-year run in 1934.

The way Al tells it, Sadie was the daughter of Hekzebiah Hawkins, one of the town’s first settlers, who had the dubious distinction of being the “homeliest gal in all them hills.”

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“If I had served God as diligently as I have done the King, he would not have given me over in my grey hairs.” — Cardinal Wolsey on his death bed

As high and mighty as he later became, Thomas Wolsey rose from decidedly humble beginnings. He was born the son of a butcher in 1473 — about as common as it gets. His unprecedented upward climb socially and professionally began after he attended Oxford University and his ordination in 1498.

Shortly after, his ambition and ability were noticed by the governor of Calais, Sir Richard Nanfan, who appointed the young cleric as his personal chaplain. …

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I really hope that’s Zeus finally getting really pissed off. Photo by Daily Mail

As I was growing up, I believed the United States was the best country on the planet. Boundless opportunities awaited anyone not afraid of hard work, and justice always prevailed thanks to our sacred Constitution. As the generous benefactor of less prosperous nations and a beacon of excellence for the entire world to emulate, we were the bearers of light and hope to the entire world.

Being born in the USA was akin to hitting the reincarnation lottery. You, the average American citizen, are envied by all. Freedom! Democracy!

That’s what I believed because that’s what I was taught by every adult in my life. Why wouldn’t I believe it? Hell, why wouldn’t they believe it? It’s all they’d been fed their entire lives too. American awesomeness was merely the natural order of things. You didn’t have to question it, you just knew it, and accepted it. …

The incomparable Dorothy Parker

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Photo by NEH.gov

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” ―Dorothy Parker

On August 22, 1893, writer, poet, critic, and all-around awesome chick Dorothy Parker was born in West End, New Jersey. Her wit, irreverence, and scathing sense of humor enthralled audiences from the Jazz Age through the Swinging Sixties.

Parker’s childhood was a lonely and unhappy one. Her mother died in 1897, and her father’s new wife was definitely not to her liking. Dorothy attended a Catholic boarding school but didn’t stick around to graduate (ew — who could blame her?) …

Even the famously patient English had grown tired of this endless nonsense from their supposed betters

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Did you know Barry Gibb was King of England? Neither did I.

Edward the Confessor was born in 1003 to King Ethelred the Unready and his second wife Emma, the sister of Richard, Duke of Normandy. He was the last Anglo-Saxon king to sit on the throne of England. Edward was responsible for the building of Westminster Abbey, one of England’s greatest churches, where many of the country’s most illustrious monarchs and distinguished personages were laid to rest.

When Edward entered the world, his dad was busy trying to offset the Viking invasions popping up all over England’s coastlines. He managed to hold them off for over a decade. Nevertheless, when Edward was ten, King Ethelred was deposed. …

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No lies detected. Photo by The Commoner Call

Ah, neoliberal third-way Democrats and their Fauxgressive bandwagon jumpers. You never cease to amaze, amuse, and disgust. Do you know why I write pieces like this? Because it’s easier than actually engaging you in real-time. That’s nothing but a blood pressure-raising time-suck.

Shall we plunge the depths of neoliberal derp together? C’mon, let’s have a go.

“First We Get Rid of Trump, Then We Can Worry About Healthcare and Living Wages and Police Brutality and Climate Collapse and — ”

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Who’s the what now?

I just can’t with this shit.

Seriously, how privileged, never mind clueless, must one be to say this with a straight face? How completely devoid of political savvy are the Blue Team to actually believe this? Have they no historical perspective whatsoever?

I think we already know the answer to that. Very, Entirely, and Zilch. …

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Photo by USNews

I’m sure you’re aware, dear reader, that Americans haven’t been this divided philosophically since the Civil War. Our current level of economic disparity rivals that of the Gilded Age. Everything we see, hear, and experience bears the mark of our decline. No matter how far you bury your head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t affect you, it’s happening.

The People are really pissed off. Mainly at each other, sadly. There is very little common ground to build on, and even less desire to find any. Both sides of the duopoly and their bitch, corporate media, gleefully fan the flames of discontent and division. …

About

Kathy Copeland Padden

is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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