Cory, Cory, Cory. I’ve Been Waiting For You.

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Aaaaand *Sparticus Jazz Hands*

We meet at last.

I was wondering when you’d throw your hat in the ring. Looks like you received permission from your corporate overlords to grab for the (extremely tarnished) brass ring and put it out there on the first day of Black History Month. I’m sure this was a happy coincidence and not a cynical, Identity-Politics-driven ploy to divert from your crappy record.

Well good for you. Good for me too, because I now have increased motivation to expound on why you are the most faux of fauxgressives.

Let’s begin with your not-so-secret love affair with Big Pharma. Even those only casually acquainted with politics know you bravely battled against American citizens having access to more affordable prescription drugs by purchasing them from Canada.

It’s interesting to note Hooker Booker’s rationalization for his stance. He purports that these identical meds manufactured by the same drug companies suddenly become extremely dangerous if they cross the Canadian border.

Yeah, at about 90% cheaper, these drugs are obviously dangerous. Dangerous to your donors’ profit margin.

During a time when the American people are forced to ration their medications, or forgo them altogether, your stance proves where your loyalties lie. It’s not with us, it’s with your Big Pharma donors.

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Your lives are sold for the low, low sum of 267,338

It’s no secret our public education system is grossly underfunded. Your enthusiastic, tone-deaf support for charter schools is infuriating, as is your association with Betsy Devo.

Remember that time you spoke before the American Federation for Children(ha), a group that Devos had once led? For that alone, you should be voted off the island.

I don’t have a copy of his speech, but I’m willing to paraphrase what was probably said: “screw the poor. Let’s make our kids’ hard road ahead even harder by diverting all public school funding to political opportunism instead of educational opportunity.”

To be fair, what Booker really said was that many children “by law are locked into schools that fail their genius.” I’d be willing to bet all these young “geniuses” don’t come from the inner-city or rural areas.

So yeah, my guess was pretty on point.

Some like to jump to your defense by pointing out you voted against her appointment as Education Secretary. Then I like to point out that yourself admitted your only reason for doing so was your fear she’d futz with civil rights in the schools.

What?

Really Cory? That was your only objection to Devos, your Privatizing Pal?

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T-Bone made this sign. Then threatened to kick my ass.

And then there’s your own personal Mr. Snuffleupagus, your drug dealer homie T-Bone. You know, the dude you referenced for years even though his existence is as reality-based as a fair Democratic primary.

But nice job trying to insinuate your affinity with the ‘hood. And it must have been terrifying when your imaginary friend threatened to kill you. I’ll bet you had to sleep with the lights on for months.

Am I just ragging your ass for the fun of it? Partly(giggle), but your long history of fabrication says a lot about your character and suitability for public office. When some lies in the interest of self-promotion, especially with the dedication you do, it’s a pretty clear indicator that they are lacking as a human being.

And, let’s face it. Only a rich kid from a toney suburb would come up with a lame-ass name like T-Bone.

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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