Elizabeth Warren Raises the Bar for Opportunistic Bullshit Artists Everywhere: the Faux-Feminist Edition

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Raise your hand if you're a lying liar! Photo by NPR

Well guys, ya gotta hand it to Lizzie-Tish. She never ceases to put her foot in her mouth for our collective amusement(Granted the amusement is (neo)liberally peppered with contempt and disgust, but still. I’ll take laughs anywhere I can get ‘em.)

Liz’s latest (and not-so-latest) fraudulent claims about her past rely heavily on manipulating the emotions of the I WILL ONLY VOTE FOR A WOMAN, POLICY BE DAMNED Club. You know the type. The ones who will vote private parts over platform and pat themselves on the back for their heroic feminism.

Liz likes to crow about how she was passed over for a teaching job because she was visibly pregnant. She knows exactly what she’s doing by saying this. This issue triggers many women (and rightly so) and, as an added bonus, it’s like throwing raw meat at identity politics-obsessed neoliberals of any gender.

How dare they treat this brave feminist pioneer this way? Don’t they see our righteous pink pussy hats? We will resist the living shit out of you chauvinist pigs! (Do they still use the term chauvinist pig? It was all the rage when I was a kid.)

And the wailing and cries of misogyny echo from one end of Starbucks to the other.

Now, losing a gig solely because you are in the process of creating a future human being is beyond disgusting. Back in the day, it was an all-too-common occurrence. Fact. The thing is, in Warren’s case, it never happened.

Long story short, Elizabeth was rejected because she didn’t have the necessary certifications for the special ed position, and Warren opted instead to stay home with her first baby.

But she is steadfastly (and foolishly) doubling down on her discrimination claim even though there is substantial proof to the contrary. The minutes from a New Jersey Board of Education meeting during April 1971 show the board voted unanimously to extend Warren’s teaching contract. Her voluntary exit was in June, two months later.

Nothing wrong with staying home to be with your baby, but it doesn’t fit the image Warren is desperate to create. So, as usual, she lied.

Reaching back into the archives, we find our Liz claiming to be the first nursing mother to sit for the N.J. bar exam.

Interesting claim, and by interesting I mean ridiculous. Women have been sitting for the N.J. bar exam since 1895. I doubt they were all polled on whether they were nursing at the time.

So how the hell could Warren know that she was the first? She couldn’t, but that’s not the point. It strikes an emotional chord with the demographic she’s targeting(mainly disgruntled, fauxgressive hillbots), and she knows it. Facts don’t matter. Just surface optics.

I mean, I could tell everybody I was the first mother to nurse my baby on the rollercoaster at Six Flags, but that doesn’t mean it’s not bullshit. (Funny visual though.)

And the icing on the cake?

Dow Chemical knew exactly who to call for help fending off all those uppity women who dared complain about their dangerously defective breast implants. None other than Elizabeth Warren, leading authority in corporate bankruptcies. She fought tooth and nail to ensure Dow didn't have to adequately compensate the women harmed by their product.

Way to rep your sisters Lizzie. You’re the Queen of modern Faux-feminism, a pink pussy-hatted abomination of the real thing.

Conclusion? For such a bright woman — and she unquestionably is — Liz Warren does a LOT of really dumb shit.

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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