Five Facts that Escape Establishment Democrats

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Five! Five reasons the Dems need a boot up the ass! Hahahaha! Photo by PBS

The Democratic Party’s worst enemy is The Democratic Party.

With that being said, grab a coffee, or a bong, or both, and let’s explore a few of the areas where the Establishment Dems are most tone-deaf.

Establishment Dems — question, please.

Why does “unity” always entail you running the show while everyone else is expected to meekly submit to your demands? Why is solidarity only possible if we all agree to continue on the present calamitous, dead-end path?



Let’s debunk a beloved neo-liberal fantasy right here and now: Independents are not splitting the Democratic Party. It’s pretty hard to split a party one doesn’t even belong to. If your party is in shambles, look to your neo-liberal leadership unwilling to put the needs of the American People over their lobbyist kickbacks.


And the problem is that we have two right-wing parties protecting the oligarchy, and no-one protecting the people.

After all, we, the average voters, aren’t getting compensated nicely by corporate donors. We have no real incentive to climb on board. And once again, Not Being Trump simply isn’t enough for most people.

And no, we don’t need to “come together” to defeat the Orange Anal Wart. Just stop it with that shit. What we really need to do is address actual issues instead of crediting Trump with FAR more power than he actually has.

The Dems can’t unite the left because after 25+ years of right-wing neo-liberal domination the Democratic Party isn’t even part of the left. The Dems need to re-join the left. This is what seems to be the biggest stumbling block to progress — an unwillingness to admit they’ve abandoned their guiding principles.

Is anyone else mind blown at their unbelievable sense of entitlement? Why would a Democrat automatically assume anyone who’s not a registered Republican will flock to their banner? Rejecting one half of the oligarchy does not denote support for the other half. They both suck donkey scrotum.

Establishment Dems must stop insisting that anyone who’s not a registered Republican owes them their vote by default. No. No, we do not. Independents don’t owe the Democratic Party jackshit. Not protection, not coddling, not loyalty, and certainly not our votes.

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These things are more important than your widdle feewings.

The tone-deaf audacity of Establishment Democrats has apparently reached critical mass even at this early stage of the game. How else can you explain their demands that their neo-liberal candidates be exempt from any sort of vetting process?


It’s not only acceptable to vet any and all candidates, but it’s also our duty as vigilant citizens to do so.

An informed electorate makes better choices. This doesn’t always pan out so well for the DNC, but alas, it’s part of that little thing we like to call “Democracy.”

Bullying voters to ignore the track record of your candidate is outrageously presumptive. It also strongly implies you are well aware your corporatist darlings won’t pass muster under the slightest scrutiny.

If you don’t want the American People knowing that your candidate is in bed with the fossil fuel or pharmaceutical industries, maybe, just maybe, you should take these issues up with your candidates themselves instead of blaming the messenger.

And, let’s face it, there’s no incentive to coddle or protect the Democratic Party. What have they done to warrant unflinching loyalty? Have they brokered world peace? Did they start handing out free healthcare?

Have I missed something?

Fearmongering masquerading as progressivism is an epidemic. A laughable, yet still deadly, epidemic. It’s a full-time job calling out supposed Progressives as the neo-liberals they really are. But it must be done.

So, I will vet the ever-loving shit out of every candidate, and share what I find. And, once again, if the Democratic Party finds this troubling, perhaps they should consider advancing candidates that don’t have more skeletons in the closet than Morticia Addams.

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Photo by

C’mon. Do you really believe vowing to support whatever establishment empty (pant)suit the DNC thrusts on you in any way improve the lives of average Americans? All you are doing is driving the point home that you are malleable, unthinking drones who will do exactly what you are told.

If you can’t see why proclaiming you’ll VBNMW is waving the white flag of surrender even before the battle is fought, you have no business going within a hundred miles of a voting booth in the first place.

The Democratic Party has no incentive to take the candidacy of Progressives seriously, no matter how loud the people clamor for them. Why would they? You have assured the DNC that, in the end, you’ll just obediently fall in line.

How do they know this? You’re posting it proudly on social media every fucking day like it makes you some sort of pragmatic patriot. No, it makes you an insufferable idiot. Learn the difference.

You are not helping anyone or anything by openly conceding the race before it’s been run. All you are doing is protecting and perpetuating the system that is screwing us in the first place.

Unfortunately for the Democratic Party, most thinking people realize that the country didn’t just suddenly go to shit on Twitler’s Inauguration Day. It’s pretty obvious that his presidency isn’t the result, but rather a symptom, of a much larger, more pervasive problem. And the Democrats themselves caused many of these problems with their own neoliberal policies. And, of course, by aiding and abetting the GOP in Congress by voting WITH them more often than against.

Look, my delicate little flowers. This isn’t a fucking cotillion. We are literally in a fight for our lives, our children’s lives. The time for lazy lesser-evilism has long passed, and fearmongering voters to win them to your side is the heart and soul of lesser-evilism. Remember 2016?

If you don’t vote for the Howling Hagbag, the Marmalade Moron will triumph and then WE ALL WILL DIE.

*Pinches self*

Nope. Still alive. Imagine that.

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Here’s the bottom line. If we keep accepting the candidates backed by corporate oligarchs, the duopoly has no incentive to heed the will of The People. Until we start voting more like informed consumers and less like Stockholm Syndrome victims we still remain prisoners to the elites, and our situation will only worsen.

Yes, it can get worse.

And even after the last FUBAR of an election, the Dems still don’t seem to grasp that “We’re Not Those Guys!” is not an acceptable party platform.

Those pony-coveting, principles-wielding “purist” voters expect public servants to tackle issues that affect Regular Americans! These impossibly persnickety folks want a candidate that has direction, a clear plan, a moral compass.

The nerve!

Look, not everyone is willing to join the world’s biggest “We Hate Trump” club without receiving a few perks. Single Payer Healthcare and Campaign Finance Reform would be an excellent starting-off point. Bonding on Trump antipathy will only get you so far.

Maybe you can afford to eschew Medicare for All, a livable minimum wage, and protecting Social Security, but the bulk of your fellow citizens do not have that luxury. People in the wealthiest nation the world are dying every damn day as the result of runaway capitalism. Your loyalty to a corrupt system over their lives makes you a reprehensible asshole, not the patriot you try to paint yourself as.

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The Democrats know damn right well what the American People demand. They knew it in 2016 and they know it now. They could deliver a genuinely Progressive platform and candidate (Bernie Sanders would've done nicely) and come off as badass heroes.

But, for reasons unfathomable, the DNC chooses to stand firm on many of the contentious issues Party members have abandoned ship over. Instead of rethinking a losing strategy, they prefer to denigrate those taking issue with the Party’s refusal to address its shortcomings. And so, here we are with a cognitively-impaired sexual predator as the DNC standard-bearer and presumptive nominee.

Back in 2016, HRC supporters were so adamant they didn’t need our Independent votes to win the election, and yet still blame them and third party voters for their loss. And, in a bid to save time, they are preemptively blaming Independents and third-party voters for a 2020 Trump re-election.

If the Democratic Party truly desires unity, they need to do so in the spirit of communion and compromise, rather than merely seeking the subjugation of those who don’t agree with their philosophy. It’s hard to convince people you want to be inclusive and united while still selfishly holding all the cards.

Friendly advice: Ditch the superdelegates. Completely.

Most importantly, the Dems need to understand that the problem in 2016 wasn’t just with HRC herself. Nope. It’s everything she stands for — neo-liberal right-of-center politics funded and ruled by Big Business.

You’d think the cries of “No More Corporate Dems!” and “No Middle Ground!” and “Fuck You Neoliberal Assholes” would help the DNC put two and two together.

In any case, a clear message was, and is, being sent from the majority of American voters.

Will they heed it? Not a chance. I’ll sum up the reason with two words: Joe Biden.

None of the old tactics flew in 2016, and they never will again. The country is changing, shifting, and with any luck at all, growing. The Democrats need to decide if they want to make history, or just become history.

If not, we'll decide for them.

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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