I’m Tired, But It’s a Good Tired

But not a great tired because I don’t want to jinx it

Kathy Copeland Padden

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Poooooped

Here’s the bottom line, fam. My life has been a complete shitstorm for the last few years. Barely scraping by financially, family drama, health challenges, and one long job search from hell.

Then just over a week ago, an online publishing company read this, and offered me a job. Once again, my late sister saves my ass. I love you, Shaz.

And it's a great gig. The work is pretty easy, the editors are lovely, and the pay is fair. It’s all I’ve been trying to manifest for years. So why aren’t I happy dancing or crying with relief? What the hell is wrong with me?

I was talking with a dear old friend of mine yesterday about this curious situation I find myself in.

“I just can’t get too excited. It feels like hubris, and I don’t want to —

“ — Jinx yourself.”

“Exactly!” I’m just waiting for — ”

“ — The other shoe to drop.”

“Sigh. Yes.”

He knows me too well.

I highly recommend finding a friend who can read your neurodivergent mind. Makes life so much easier.

“It’s not going to, Kath.”

“You don’t think?”

“Nah. You’re very talented and dementedly hardworking. You’re just finally getting your due.”

God, I hope he’s right, because I am tired, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I’m exhausted from living in constant fight-or-flight mode.

I want to take a full breath.

I want my muscles to unclench.

I want to get a full night’s sleep and feel rejuvenated.

I want to live the life I deserve.

I want a strawberry cheesecake.

But I don’t wanna jinx it, so

Shhhhhhhh.

(I’ll keep you posted)

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Kathy Copeland Padden

is a music fanatic, classic film aficionado, and history buff surfing the End Times wave like a boss. Come along!