I’m sure we all agree that, from a historical perspective at least, we live in “interesting times.” If you’ve ever wondered what it was like when Rome fell, the plague swept Europe, or experience the bloody horrors of the French Revolution, here’s your chance to find out firsthand.
And simultaneously at that!
This is quite the quandary logistically. How can you keep track of so many (old, saggy, presidential hopeful) balls in the air at once? What’s the disaster du jour today? Is it worth getting out of bed, or should I pull the covers over my head and peruse Facebook?
Pulling the covers over your head is almost always a good idea in 2020, but Facebook is another matter entirely. Social media in general has gone full-on cyber insane asylum. Yes, even more than usual. It’s recommended that only seasoned veterans of the Ancient Flame Wars dip a toe into that cesspool.
It’s hard to navigate a digital landscape with more triggered people than the OK Corral. Back in the day, when folks disagreed, they’d just tell each other to fuck off, but now they’re cursing each other’s progeny for seven generations while they're fondling a Voodoo doll.
To be quite honest, I’m just too damn tired to argue whether we’re all going to die from COVID-19 or a Civil War(my money’s on the latter.) Or, even better, dying of COVID-19 during a Civil War. Imagine the bragging rights for your descendants!
Ugh. What a shit show these interesting times are. It can get pretty depressing. Quarantine and social distancing have exacerbated the harmful effects of our country imploding a hundred-fold. Isolation and desperation are the dystopian icing on the apocalyptic cake.
Grown-ass adults are understandably buckling under the strain. I can’t even imagine what this is doing to our kids academically, socially, and psychologically. Their routine, activities, and friendships have been snatched from them in the wake of a deadly virus. It’s a terrifying development for us — can you imagine dealing with this ominous uncertainty as a child? How can we help them process this?
I worry about what the future implications could mean. I worry that no-one’s really talking about the huge gap our kids will have in their education. It’s just a matter of how big that gap will be. To get a rough idea of whose children will struggle most, check the parents’ bank balance. I also worry that I will never have a moment alone again and that The Boy is going full-on feral.
So, yeah. Worries aplenty people — we got 'em. The Interesting Times Anxiety Buffet has something for everyone! Might as well grab a plate and face your worst fears head-on. Avoid the rush, kids. You’ll have no choice sooner than later.
Because 2020 is not an aberration. Everything isn’t going to magically right itself on January 1, 2020, or if the Old Doddering Blue Perv beats the Old Doddering Red Perv. Or if one (or both) dies. The entire system itself is crumbling. It doesn't matter who’s sitting in the Oval Office. It hasn't mattered for a very long time.
What we are experiencing now is just a small teaser of the fast-approaching disintegration of the United States as we know it.
My best advice if you want to maintain a shred of sanity? Laugh. Laugh long and laugh loud. Laugh a lot, even at the shit that horrifies you most. Especially the shit that horrifies you the most. Gallows Humor is my personal go-to. I’m riding out the Apocalypse decidedly bemused, and it’s saving my anxiety-ridden ass.
May your anxiety-ridden asses also find some semblance of peace.