Behold the unholy specter of Two-Time-Loser HRC spraying her funky, skunky scent all over the political landscape again. I’d like to say I’m surprised, but c’mon — I’m not. You probably aren’t either.
The second she lost to the Orange Anal Wart, her return was inevitable. In fact, there was little doubt that HRC would exert her evil influence on the 2020 Democratic primaries in one capacity or another.
Because our Hillsy is a textbook narcissist. There was NO WAY IN HELL she was bowing out with grace and dignity. I laughed my ass off when she announced her retreat to the woods after The Resounding Bitchslap of 2016, while simultaneously proclaiming herself as leader of the Pink Hat McResistance. She vowed to have us all back to brunch in a jiff, despite the humiliating spanking she took from a gelatinous orange turd.
Even still, there are some inscrutable souls who’d like nothing more than the Pantsuit Succubus on the Democratic ticket with, or in place of, that clueless, gropey bastard Biden.
Because that unsubtle, collective middle finger four years ago apparently wasn’t enough.
She simply has to come back and boil our bunny. Glenn Close would approve.
So look, my establishment Democrat friends —
You aren’t taken seriously(except by each other) when you bleat that HRC was the most highly-qualified presidential candidate in modern history. Just what in the deep-fried fuck are you basing that assertion on? Her decades of constant human rights violations at home and abroad all the way back to her early years as a lawyer?
Just what is it that Clinton has done to deserve such accolades?
Was it using slave labor in the Arkansas Governor’s mansion?
Or insisting young black men must be “brought to heel”?
Or is it her enthusiastic participation with planned bombings of innocent civilians?
Or that ultra-classy “we came, we saw, he died” quip that HRC herself was obviously tickled pink with?
What? What is it?
Her supporters always make much of the fact HRC packs a va-jay-jay. Still, I don’t see how that has any bearing on her suitability as a candidate for any office. Hillary Clinton has never done one thing in her public life that sets her apart as distinctively feminist in the political arena.
In truth, she’s always played by the boys’ rules on their home field instead of rising up and challenging the game. “If you can’t beat ’em, join ‘em” doesn’t seem like a very empowering, feminist point of view to me.
To even suggest she is the best-qualified person to serve as President — or Vice President — is cognitive dissonance on an epic scale. Like Cecil B. DeMille epic scale.
And to trot her malevolent ass out yet again is nothing short of madness.
At this point, she cannot be unaware of what a divisive factor she is in American politics and her Party. And yet, she blithely continues to put her own desire for the limelight ahead of every other consideration, desperately scrambling to remain relevant.
Apparently, Hillary has a high humiliation tolerance.
Because now Hill is “back” — not a long commute considering she never actually left. It’s pretty much a given that, at the very least, she’s pulling the strings controlling the Democratic Party nomination process.
There’s also the very real and nauseating possibility she’s preparing to grab the nomination herself. Having had a few years to convince herself and her Pantsuit Brigade that she didn’t tank in 2016 because most American voters revile her (IT WAS RUSSIA), she’s ready to hit the campaign trail again.
Oh wait — Hillary doesn’t campaign — even for herself. It’s beneath her.
And let's face it, Biden is orbiting Pluto. He probably wouldn't even notice, never mind care if HRC pushes him aside. It happens. Remember 1968?
The funny thing is that, for almost four fucking years, we’ve endured hoards of Lexus Lovin’ Ladies Who Lunch admonishing us to leave poor Hillary alone — she was no longer running for office! We were big meanie-weenie-heads for not remaining silent regarding her decades of criminal duplicity.
The Pantsuit Brigade ain’t havin’ that shit.
“She’s done with politics! We know because she told us so! Hillary’s home reading empowering feminist literature to the grandkids and baking saltpeter cookies for Bill! Leave her alone, Russian Troll!”
Not-so-ironically, these are the same putzes convinced that Clinton lost due to Russian Meddling!!! and that America was super-awesome until Trump waddled his doughy ass into the Oval Office.
Their single biggest achievement is elevating selective credulousness to an art form. It’s truly … remarkable. If “remarkable meant “disturbing,” anyway.
So listen up Pantsuit Brigade.
Don’t trot this self-serving succubus out as your mouthpiece once again and expect a different result from 2016. People are even more disgusted with the Democratic Party in 2020 than they were four years ago.
Who would've thought that was possible?
But here we are.