Lock Up Your Daughters! No Seriously. Billary is Coming to Town.

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Billary performing “Balloons and Barbiturates” in 2016. Photo by ITV.com

Yes, the Reunion Tour rumors are true! The Herpes of Politics is BACK!

Save up those pennies (LOTS of pennies) because the founders of everyone’s favorite criminal cartel and model for sham marriages everywhere are polishing off their act to storm the U.S. and Canada.

No longer content to destroy their Party from behind-the-scenes, the DNC’s unchallenged power couple, Mr. Grabby And Mrs. Stabby, are hitting the road to show their devoted fan, Mavis, that the Clintons are still powerful enough to annihilate the Democratic Party by destroying the campaigns of any candidates they choose to endorse.

(And that Bill still blows. A mean sack. I mean a mean sax. Yeah. Sax.)

Bill’s got blue balls. Or he thinks he’s fondling Stormy’s funbags. Quite possibly both. Photo by DailyMail.com

Coupled with Hillsy’s shrill, howling vocals that would do Yoko Ono circa 1969 or an alley cat with his testicles aflame proud, the Kick-Ass Clintons will rock you righteous until listening to Tiny Tim’s Greatest Hits sounds like a swell idea.

So Neoliberals rejoice! You’ll be enveloped by that Billary magic while you groove to hit after hit all for the low, low price of $72 (Serfs) to $750 (Hillbot Hagbags) a pop. You’ll hear classics like:

Balloons and Barbiturates

You Came, You Saw, We Lied

Six Hundred Bucks For a Haircut and I Still Look Like Drunk Toddlers Cut It In The Dark

The Battle of Billy’s Bulge

Devil With A Blue Dress Off

Arkancide and Cyanide

And many more!!!!!

Marvel at their unparalleled joint narcissism and the fact that they’ve successfully managed to avoid prison time all these years! Gaze in wonder at the personification of everything that sucks about American politics!

It’s like a Vote Blue No Matter Who dream come true! Hearing Hillsy drone on about how her husband is one of those cuddly sexual predators unlike that Big Meanie Trump while Bill sends roadies into the audience to procure the evening’s groupies is a once-in-a-lifetime-not-to-be-missed expensive experience!

To all of Billary’s devoted fan(Hi Mavis!) who thought these notorious attention whores were irrelevant and not worthy of concern or contempt — what say you now? Never mind. Don’t care.

Bill and Hillary, An Evening With the Clintons — Coming soon to an arena, stadium, or cathouse near you! So put the house up for sale now and get the hell out of Dodge.

How much does Bernie Sanders charge for the honor of breathing the same air he is? Nothing? Well, you get what you pay for, right kids? Right? RIGHT? Why are you laughing? You must be Russian Bots! Photo by Heavy.com

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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