Number One Priority: Billionaires Must Be Protected
For anyone pining for the days when the Pantsuit Brigade excused HRC’s misdeeds in favor of hunting down those who exposed her criminality— you’re in luck! It’s time for another round of “Shoot the Messenger.”
My fellow Americans, our beleaguered billionaires are being tormented by mere mortals, and it’s an outrage. This is the United States of America, dammit. We simply cannot allow the American people to know just how badly they’re getting fucked at the hands of the mega-rich. There’s too much talk of guillotines as is.
So here are the haps. ProPublica procured and released oodles of financial records proving that most of our wealthiest billionaires shoulder pretty much zero tax burden. This is clearly unacceptable. Immediate action is called for to apprehend and punish these criminals.
No, not the predatory capitalists, silly. We must ferret out these evil bastards who ratted out our beloved billionaires. Let’s toss them in a cell and throw away the key. Maybe they’ll even pull an Epstein. Who knows?
We’re getting fucked
Now, these official Internal Revenue Service documents are obviously confidential. If they were public knowledge the masses might realize that loopholes for obscenely wealthy people allow them to pay far less tax percentage-wise than your barber or mechanic.
Legal or illegal, ProPublica’s actions were clearly in the public interest. How and why the system is wired to enrich the wealthy at everyone else’s expense should be, and now is, public knowledge. The genie is out of the bottle. Time to make the real criminals culpable for their actions.
There are billions of reasons why
Is anyone else beyond furious that we have a soulless, creepy billionaire taking a little space jaunt while millions are deprived of healthcare and housing? And that his own employees resort to peeing in bottles because they are not allowed bathroom breaks? And that our government’s top priority is wreaking vengeance against those who expose the true extent of billionaire assholery like this?