Number One Priority: Billionaires Must Be Protected

Fuck your feelings, and your healthcare

I got mine, screw you Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash

For anyone pining for the days when the Pantsuit Brigade excused HRC’s misdeeds in favor of hunting down those who exposed her criminality— you’re in luck! It’s time for another round of “Shoot the Messenger.”

Wheeee!

My fellow Americans, our beleaguered billionaires are being tormented by mere mortals, and it’s an outrage. This is the United States of America, dammit. We simply cannot allow the American people to know just how badly they’re getting fucked at the hands of the mega-rich. There’s too much talk of guillotines as is.

So here are the haps. ProPublica procured and released oodles of financial records proving that most of our wealthiest billionaires shoulder pretty much zero tax burden. This is clearly unacceptable. Immediate action is called for to apprehend and punish these criminals.

No, not the predatory capitalists, silly. We must ferret out these evil bastards who ratted out our beloved billionaires. Let’s toss them in a cell and throw away the key. Maybe they’ll even pull an Epstein. Who knows?

We’re getting fucked

Now, these official Internal Revenue Service documents are obviously confidential. If they were public…