Pop a Squat Lizzie-Tish. We Need to Talk.

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I won’t accept corporate donations. Wink, wink. Photo by Washington Times

Oh. Lizzie. It's not like I set the integrity bar very high for you but damn girl, your lastest slimebag maneuver is a real doozy.

We've all listened to you warble about how you won’t accept donations from Wall Street or any other Big Money interests. (Of course this only valid for the primaries. If the DNC is fuckwitted enough to dub thee Hillary Mach II, you’re all over that corporate dough like flies on shit.)

Now if that isn’t hypocritical enough, there’s the little matter of how you’re financing your current presidential primary run. It’s certainly not from Grass Roots donations as you incessantly claim. Nope. It’s money you squirreled away in 2018 during your senatorial campaign.

You sashayed from Boston, to the Vineyard, to New York, to Hollywood — just for starters— with your hand out every step of the way. Your plan had been laid out well in advance of your announcement to seek the 2020 Democratic Nomination.

And lookee that! Over ten mil you accrued from firmly attaching your lips to corporate ass was conveniently available to finance your primary campaign. But I suppose that was just a happy coincidence, right Lizzie?

You are disingenuous at best, and a pathological liar at worst. I lean towards the latter as a Masshole who’s been watching your shady machinations for years now. Despite your valiant attempts to appear Progressive for political expediency, in reality, you’re just another self-serving neo-lib with no concern for anything but your own political and financial advancement.

But Independents and Progressives do know the difference. And your increasing irrelevant Party simply can not win without their support. This is just simple mathematics when you consider 45% of American voters identify as such.

We don’t owe you or your Party jackshit — and certainly not our votes.

If you were truly a Progressive and not a self-serving megalomaniac, you’d step the fuck aside and allow the founder and impetus of the modern Progressive movement, Bernie Sanders, to finish the job he and his millions of supporters started in 2016.

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Oh look! Regina George and Gretchen Weiner all grown up! Photo by NPR

Speaking of textbook Fauxgressives, it’s beyond hilarious you’re seeking the sage wisdom of two-time loser HRC, who couldn’t even beat a gelatinous orange turd. But I’m sure no backroom deals figure in here. Nah. Its all on the up and up.

Hate to break this to you Lizzie, but your right-wing imperialist record speaks louder than your empty promises and platitudes. More and more voters are catching on to your M.O. of holding up an index finger to see which way the wind’s currently blowing and attaching yourself to it.

Let’s be frank. You do not support any initiatives that actually benefit the citizens of this country. Your super-duper Progressive “plans” are vague, nebulous horseshit. Being a self-described “capitalist to your bones,” you believe the average American exists to benefit the market and not the other way around.

The word Progressive only suits you in the context of your smarmy, empty rhetoric getting progressively more vomit-inducing by the minute.

After all, fighting for the rights of the average citizen is only for those crazy, pony-coveting Bernie supporters, right?

Do the entire country a solid and take a hike, Warren. Indys and Progressives will never fall in line for a corporatist neoliberal. Go crack a brewski in your McMansion’s kitchen and just get the hell out of the way. You haven't got a prayer in hell.

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I’m backing the guy that DIDN’T give Trump a standing O. Resistance my ass.

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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