Ten Movies I Haven’t Seen And Likely Never Will

You guys will just have to deal

Kathy Copeland Padden

--

Photo of me not watching any of these movies

These ten movies have become part of our pop culture pantheon. They are so all-pervading and iconic that (seemingly) everyone has seen them at one point or another. Everyone except me. Not gonna lie — I enjoy the shocked looks when I say I’ve never seen “Lord of the Rings.” People act like you’re a time traveler or live in a cave. I wish, and I would if I could.

And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I’m not saying these movies all suck. I’m willing to bet most of them don’t. How could I know for sure, anyway? I can’t. I’ve never seen them, either through accident or design. I always have my reasons, consciously or unconsciously, no matter how pointless and nonsensical.

But I’ll go out on a limb and guess “Top Gun” is a pretty shitty movie. “American Pie” too, probably even more so than “Top Gun.” I can’t even get through thirty-second clips of either flick.

So, here are a few movies I’ve managed to avoid (for the most part) since their release. Some may surprise you, some may not. Who knows? Even I don’t know why I do half the shit I do.

Lord of the Rings

Why is everyone so surprised that I’m not obsessed with Lord of the Rings? Not all Pagans get off on Tolkien, ya know.

I tried to watch this movie, I really did. If nothing else, I wanted to see Liv Tyler’s performance, being Steven’s girl and all. But boredom set in quickly, and my ADHD lodged a formal complaint of cruelty. I had to walk away for the sake of my health. You understand.

American Pie

What did I just not see?

“American Pie” is the Millennial version of “Porky’s,” which means I’ll hard pass on this garbage until the day I die. I don’t care about that one time at band camp, and I’m not about to have apple pie ruined for me forever thanks to this cinematic swill-fest.

Die Hard

I laugh every year when the “Is Diehard a Christmas Movie” arguments begin anew. Probably because I couldn’t care less. Here’s a good rule of thumb…

--

--

Kathy Copeland Padden

is a music fanatic, classic film aficionado, and history buff surfing the End Times wave like a boss. Come along!