Ten Movies I Haven’t Seen And Likely Never Will
These ten movies have become part of our pop culture pantheon. They are so all-pervading and iconic that (seemingly) everyone has seen them at one point or another. Everyone except me. Not gonna lie — I enjoy the shocked looks when I say I’ve never seen “Lord of the Rings.” People act like you’re a time traveler or live in a cave. I wish, and I would if I could.
And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I’m not saying these movies all suck. I’m willing to bet most of them don’t. How could I know for sure, anyway? I can’t. I’ve never seen them, either through accident or design. I always have my reasons, consciously or unconsciously, no matter how pointless and nonsensical.
But I’ll go out on a limb and guess “Top Gun” is a pretty shitty movie. “American Pie” too, probably even more so than “Top Gun.” I can’t even get through thirty-second clips of either flick.
So, here are a few movies I’ve managed to avoid (for the most part) since their release. Some may surprise you, some may not. Who knows? Even I don’t know why I do half the shit I do.
Lord of the Rings
Why is everyone so surprised that I’m not obsessed with Lord of the Rings? Not all Pagans get off on Tolkien, ya know.
I tried to watch this movie, I really did. If nothing else, I wanted to see Liv Tyler’s performance, being Steven’s girl and all. But boredom set in quickly, and my ADHD lodged a formal complaint of cruelty. I had to walk away for the sake of my health. You understand.
“American Pie” is the Millennial version of “Porky’s,” which means I’ll hard pass on this garbage until the day I die. I don’t care about that one time at band camp, and I’m not about to have apple pie ruined for me forever thanks to this cinematic swill-fest.
I laugh every year when the “Is Diehard a Christmas Movie” arguments begin anew. Probably because I couldn’t care less. Here’s a good rule of thumb…