To Hillary Clinton, from America
We have got to stop meeting like this, girl. Actually, we just have to stop meeting at all, period. It’s getting really, really awkward. I’m amazed you haven’t picked up on the vibe, especially after our final break-up in 2016.
I hate to be so blunt Hills, but let’s just be honest about the situation. Your relentless pursuit of me is not endearing, admirable, or in any way welcome. Learn to take “no” for an answer. Just like I’ve had to do when beseeching my government for basic human rights.
How am I not sending a clear message regarding my intent? I refused your advances in 2008, and then again in 2016 when I rejected you in favor of an over-stuffed Oompa Loompa. I thought the obvious insult of losing to a gelatinous, mouth-breathing imbecile would finally put an end to your tireless pursuit of me.
Oh, how very wrong I was. You spent a day or two “in the woods” and came back as self-proclaimed leader of the McResistance, apparently thinking that would impress me. It did not. The hypocrisy of it all just added to my already hefty store of repugnance for you.
And why did all this come about? Let’s revisit that for a quick sec.
Back in 2016, you told the man I really loved, Bernie Sanders, that I didn’t want him or even like him because of my supposed love for you when nothing could’ve…
