Top Ten Things Democrats Need to Come to Grips With Pronto

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Obviously, I could easily come up with a gazillonty or so more points on this subject, but I’m pacing myself. We still have a loooooonng way to go.

  1. A voter who isn’t a Republican is not a Democrat by default. I know this perplexes many in the Democratic Party, but most voters going into the 2020 election are Independent or unaffiliated. This means you have to actually earn our votes. Appealing to party “unity” only flies with party members. We are not party members. Keep reading this over and over until it starts to sink in.
  2. Your constant preoccupation with Putin the Potato-Faced Fuckweasel is off-putting at best. So do us all a solid. Hop back in your time machine, set your coordinates for the 1950s, and fap over Joe McCarthy’s adorable Red-baiting antics.
  3. Giving Hillary Clinton the mic is political suicide(I could make a bunch of sick Arkancide jokes right about here, but shall refrain. I’d like to remain alive.) Allowing her out of captivity to rep your Party is doing far more harm than good. Send her back to the woods where she belongs. (Just not my woods. Oh, hell no.)Humor
  4. Hey Dems- don’t act like Bernie Sanders should be grateful to run on your Party’s ticket. You should be grateful for the chance to ride his coattails to the White House. Embrace reality.
  5. Progressives will not vote for one of your neoliberal corporate whores. We’ve made that pretty clear. So, puh-leeze spare us the patronizing lectures and accusations of divisiveness. Refer back to point #1 above. We can’t split a party we don’t belong to. And anyway, establishment Dems don’t seek solidarity, you demand subjugation. You need to learn the difference.
  6. If every “Democrat” who registered as such just to vote for Bernie bailed on the Party today, you’d have about twelve people wearing “I’m With Her” t-shirts wondering wtf happened. Truth.
  7. Calling for Donnie’s impeachment while simultaneously passing his obscene defense budget and extending the Patriot Act elevates malarkey (snort) to an art form. Don’t tell the American People to fear the Marmalade Moron while kissing his orange ass at every opportunity.
  8. Medicare for All is non-negotiable. Not improving Obamacare, not incremental change until millions more die needlessly on the altar of corporate greed. SINGLE PAYER NOW. If you want to win, you have to accept that.
  9. You reject Bernie as being not a “real Democrat” when he is the only candidate that exemplifies true Democratic Party principles before the Third Way Dems turned it into GOP Lite. You fawn over the Regina George (HRC) and Gretchen Weiner (EW) of the DNC who were both actual, honest-to-god Republicans. Declaring yourself “Never Bernie” while simultaneously admonishing everyone to “vote blue no matter who” is not a good look kids, and won't score you any points except with each other.
  10. You can’t win without the support of Independents who make up almost half of the electorate. This is not my opinion, it’s simple mathematics. You said you didn’t need us in 2016, but yet you’re still crying like little bitches because we didn’t vote for the Pantsuit Succubus. We told you point blank we wouldn’t. Not all of us are big, fat, lying liars. What part of “NO MORE CORPORATE NEOLIB DEMS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES” are you struggling with?
We meant it in 2016, and we mean it now, Photo by Yahoo

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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