Welcome to DOOSH, the First Neo-Liberal Only Dating Site
How many times have you been subjected to Trump, Sanders, and third-party voters presuming they’re your romantic equal and asking you out?
Or had to worry that a Bernie Bro might address you even when they’re not your landscaper?
Don’t you wish there was one convenient online spot to sip cyber-lattes and pontificate endlessly about Russia with your own kind?
Welcome to DOOSH, the first and only dating app specifically designed for God’s TRUE chosen, right-wing neo-liberal Democrats.
DOOSH is where you can bond on wanting Bernie out of the Democratic Party but simultaneously expecting him to endorse and support it.
We are also a Safe Space for those who believe Joe Biden is a perfectly acceptable presidential candidate (at 75) but that Bernie Sanders is too old (at 76).
When you join the DOOSH community, you can spout this nonsense without being seen as a colossal turd-nugget!
And you can rest assured there will be no Progressives, Berniebots, Meanie Greenies, or other Russian election meddlers injecting any dissenting opinion in our community thanks to our extensive vetting process.
To keep us in our safe little neo-lib bubble, all of our potential DOOSH members must meet certain stringent requirements:
A. Agrees Rachel Maddow is a sacred, ordained oracle and never, ever, ever makes fun of her hair while hanging on her every word.
B. Knows that universal healthcare is nothing but a pipe dream perpetrated by the unwashed working-class. CorporateCare, uh, Obamacare, is just fine for that rabble.
C. Asserts it wasn’t even possible for the DNC to rig the primaries, but for some reason it’s easy-peasy for Russia to rig the general.
D. Thinks “gentrification” is the most beautiful five-syllable word in existence. Well, just below “Bernie Would Have Won.” Lolz. Just kidding. Just below ”Corporate Money.”
DOOSH is a safety pin-protected Comfort Zone for those who know the best plan of action when things are going to hell is to change nothing, and do nothing, but call it “resisting.”
Wear that empowering pink pussy hat with pride! There is no-one here who will shame you for an obsession with pointless political accessorizing. After all, true activism is for those nutty lefties like Democratic Socialists.
So let DOOSH help find you that perfect neo-lib significant other to sit on your eight thousand dollar couch with and have in-depth discussions on proper pronoun usage while the entire country burns.
WE ARE THE RESISTANCE!
Whatever the hell that means, but it looks good on T-shirts and Twitter posts.