Your “Right” to Shoot Bambi’s Mom Does Not Supersede My Right to Safety

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Ah, hunting season in the rural backwoods. Where you enjoy late autumn and early winter to the accompaniment of pick-up truck-strewn roadsides, shotgun fire, and fear for your life.


Can’t you just smell the Bud Lite, stale sweat, and gingivitis? Pungent, isn’t it?

It’s the same every year. Laws dictating where and when hunting is allowed intended to keep people safe from being mistaken for a deer or stray bullets are disregarded with impunity. You have chumps firing just a few yards from your house. Walking from the door to the car is an exceptional act of bravery.

And, I’m sorry, if you can’t tell a human from a deer, you have absolutely no business owning or even holding a firearm.

Gotcha. We should stay home so a bunch of rootin-tootin’ Wanna-Be Big Game Hunters can act with reckless abandon. Oh, OK. I’ll just stop living my life. Seems fair. Silly me for asking.

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Can you guess who I’m rooting for? photo by TheBlot Magazine

I’ve never been quite sure why they simply can’t hunt away from the densely settled areas and stick to the deep woods. Pan knows we have enough of them. Guess it’s too far to bop and weave back to the truck for another twelve rack.

But yeah, sure — I’ll just put my life on hold for the duration until you knobs are done getting your sad-ass jollies killing innocent animals and pretending you're doing the Universe a massive solid in the process.

You should be tiptoeing around the residents and not vice versa. Responding to pleas for adequate safety measures in a manner that implies your supposed sacred Constitutional right to blow away Bambi’s mom supersedes the local community’s right to peace, safety, and security is the pinnacle of dementedly convoluted logic.

And yeah, yeah, not all hunters blah blah blah don’t care. This is a case where one bad apple DOES spoil the whole damn bunch.

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My middle name is Karma. Photo by Pinterest

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is a political junkie and history buff randomly alternating between bouts of crankiness and amusement while bearing witness to the Apocalypse. Come along!

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