Published inRock n’ Heavy·PinnedMember-onlyMost Cringe Music VideosOMG I can’t watch — I miss the halcyon days when MTV played music and we watched that shit all day. It’s very easy to romanticize it 35 years later. And then you remember these affronts to human dignity. Shakin’ This one is physically painful to me. Eddie Money’s mad cheesin’ is the very definition of…3 min read3 min read
PinnedMember-onlyThe Ten Saddest Songs in the Whole Damn WorldGrab your hanky, fainting couch, and unhealthy coping mechanisms Step right up, step right up! If you’ve been the victim of unrequited or lost love, you may be entitled to compensation. What sort of compensation, you ask? These songs. These songs are your compensation. From every genre and every era…Music7 min readMusic7 min read
Published inFanfare·PinnedMember-onlyShit From Five Christmas Shows That Would Never Fly TodayQuick! Someone call CPS! — I was watching Rudolph with my nine-year-old grandson the other day. He didn’t get why Rudolph’s mom and girlfriend weren’t allowed to join in the search for Rudolph after he snapped from relentless assholery and bolted. He had no concept of what Donner meant by “man’s work.” I must be…Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
Published inRock n’ Heavy·PinnedMember-onlyFive Probably Best Forgotten Seventies Love SongsI apologize in advance — Heavy on the cheese, please. Yeah, these songs have probably been forgotten for a reason. Yikes. But I’m gonna bring this shit back, wearing a stick pin in my cowl neck sweater and reeking of Love’s Baby Soft. Because I love you guys and want you to share my Engelbert…Music5 min readMusic5 min read
PinnedMember-onlyThe Catholic Girls Start Much Too LateDenim leads to the road of prostitution — Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray They built you a temple and locked you away Aw, but they never told you the price that you pay For things that you might have done Only the good die young Two images spring to mind when most…Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
Published inRock n’ Heavy·1 day agoMember-onlyTen Jolly Good British Invasion BandsNow with more suits and ties — In early 1964, a historic phenomenon in pop culture was occurring. Until then, American artists almost exclusively dominated the music charts, even in Europe. Since Americans pretty much “invented” pop and rock and roll, everyone left the masters to it. That is, until four lads from Liverpool beat the Yanks…Music5 min readMusic5 min read
Published inRock n’ Heavy·5 days agoMember-onlyTwenty Count ‘Em Twenty Fabulous Rolling Stones Jams Released Since 1983Time to Take You Naysayers to School — Nothing is more tiresome to me as a Rolling Stones fan than listening to some derpy dipshit proclaim that the Stones haven’t released any decent music since their 1981 album “Tattoo You” (or even “Some Girls” in 1978.) …Music8 min readMusic8 min read
Sep 17Member-onlyCan’t Win For Losing: The Battle of MaldonThe Saxons and the Vikings square off — On August 10, 991, one of the best known battles between the Saxons and the Vikings took place in Essex, England near the small town of Maldon by the River Blackwater. It heralded the era of the Danegeld — the practice of paying off the Vikings to avoid future attacks…History3 min readHistory3 min read
Sep 15Member-onlyMy Eight Olfactory Life StagesFollowing my nose from birth to wherever the hell I am now — Rain on a hot city sidewalk. A whiff of the perfume your Gram always wore. A fresh-cut Christmas tree. The sense of smell is more likely to evoke a memory response than any other. I think they've even done studies and shit. I know I’m a sucker for scent. I’m…Life5 min readLife5 min read
Published inRock n’ Heavy·Sep 10Member-onlyLost and Found: Ten 90s Jams You’ve Probably ForgottenGrab your discman and pop a squat — I’ve been going through a lot of my old stuff lately and happened upon a bunch of old mixtapes from back in the day. As I dug through yet another box o’ crap, I realized two things: I keep way too much stuff. The 90s was the last decade when…Music4 min readMusic4 min read
